I Vant to Suck Your Blood!

Have a spooky Halloween and watch out for vampires!

Halloween Week Finale - All Hail King Big Monkey!

Behold his excellence, King Big Monkey, as he strikes a regal pose for the camera. As every monarch should be, he is equipped with a bejeweled sceptre.

Today is a special occasion. The humble servant, Sock Monkey Pumpkin, has been knighted by his royal highness, King Big Monkey.

His sceptre shines brilliantly upon thee, Sir Sock Monkey Pumpkin. It's dazzling jewels and solid gold leave those privileged enough to behold it in awe and amazement.

Going Up? Going Down?

It's the classic conflict of conscience versus temptation. Henly represents the angel, and I am the devil. We are battling for control over Laura's mind. Who will win?


Since Laura is such a GOOD girl, I accept my defeat as Angel Henly consoles me. He tries to make me understand the error of my ways.

Angel Henly displays his glowing halo. Good has triumphed over evil. All is right in Crystal Beach.

Wednesday's Halloween Costume - Cyn Cyn as the friendly lion

Little Cyn Cyn Monkey is dressed up as a friendly lion. Isn't she just as cute as can be? Cyn Cyn is surrounded by scarecrow friends, Frank Sockenstein, Little Pumpkin Monkey, Count Sockula and Sock Monkey Pumpkin.

Tuesday's Featured Costumes

Giddy up! This cowboy is riding one of the toughest bucking broncos around - the wild tuxedo cat! Cowboy has his work cut out for him because his ride is as ornery as he can be! This tuxedo cat is doing everything he can to take his hat off. Cowboy will be lucky if he can stay on for 8 seconds.

I am modeling my new jack-o'-lantern sweater at the bank. My friends Frank Sockenstein and Little Pumpkin Monkey are joining me in the Halloween festivities.

Monday's Featured Halloween Sock Monkey... Freckles!

Each day at the bank a different costumed monkey will be on display. Today was Freckles' turn. He is modeling a Happy Halloween t-shirt, pumpkin hat, festive mittens and pumpkin socks. Freckles is surrounded by his friends - Sock Monkey Pumpkin, Scarecrow and Little Pumpkin Monkey. A delightful time was had by all!

Halloween Week is Here!

Hi. I'm Sock Monkey Pumpkin. I'm here to kick off Halloween week! There are a lot of exciting costumes that you'll see throughout the week. Stay tuned each day for a new post. You won't be disappointed!

Trick or treat. Smell our sock feet. Give us something good to eat! (a chocolate covered banana will do... yum!)

Penn State 13, Ohio State 6

Brutus,

Penn State didn't mean to treat you bad
You didn't know just what they had
But Brutus now you do
And don't it make your buckeyes
Don't it make your buckeyes
Don't it make your buckeyes blue!!!

P.S. Lee Corso wore the WRONG mascot head today on College GameDay.

WE ARE... PENN STATE!

Crush that nut!

This is an Ohio State Buckeye. This is my stompin' boot. Any questions? Brutus the Buckeye is going to get his big, bulbous head squeezed by my Nittany Lion this weekend. Stay tuned for all the action on Saturday night!

Michigan Massacre Equals Wolverine Feast

That fiesty wolverine gave me quite a challenge during the first 30 minutes of my hunt. After that he relented and became mine (and the Nittany Lion's). After 12 long years, I can savor a delicious roast of tender wolverine meat again! Accompanied by garlic mashed potatoes and grilled mixed vegetables, I can't think of a more enjoyable meal. Next time I'll eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti...

Three wheels are better than two

Mark and I have the coolest trikes in Crystal Beach. Sometimes we race (wearing helmets of course), but I like to let Mark win occasionally. It's good for his self esteem. You be the judge - who looks better on their "hog", Mark or me?

This is how we roll...

How many mini sock monkeys can you fit in a Mini Cooper? Well, here's four that are ready to go for a joy ride! Socks will be in the driver's seat, accompanied by Neglected Monkey, Little Big Monkey (my mini me) and Sockette.

Sometimes Socks likes to go it alone. He's a bit of a speedster!

When the Mini Cooper needs a tune up, Socks turns to Little Big Monkey. He's pretty handy under the hood.

Goodbye Wisconsin, Hello Badger Sandwich!

Mmm... my belly's full after that delicious badger with cheese sandwich. What a feast! I stuffed myself and need to take an afternoon nap. Thanks for a great game, Bucky! P.S. - Badger meat is luscious. I bet wolverine might taste even sweeter. I'll find out next week.

Bucky Badger - Get ready for a beatdown! The Nittany Lion is coming for you tonight!

This is Bucky Badger (the University of Wisconsin's mascot). He looks pretty happy in this picture, cheering on his football team. Little does he know that the Penn State Nittany Lion is going to pounce on him tonight!

Uh oh! Bucky doesn't look so happy in this picture. That's because he's become a badger sandwich, topped off with some fresh Wisconsin cheese.

Yum yum yum! I can't wait to eat my badger sandwich tomorrow. It's one of my favorites. Keep smiling, Bucky! You're going to be my lunch on Sunday!

Wall Street Woes

For those of you that fear your investments in the stock market are going down the toilet, never fear! Big Monkey is taking control of the situation, literally grabbing the Wall Street Bull by the horns. Bail out, Schmail out... Big Monkey is going to save the day! Those folks in Washington don't know anything about the financial market. Invest in commodities such as bananas because the sock monkey population is soaring! (Note: Big Monkey is not responsible for anyone's personal losses resulting from his financial advice).

Introducing the Walrus Candidate for President... Cecil and his running mate Barbie!

Hi, my name is Cecil and I am running for President of Crystal Beach. As you can tell from my hat, I am a maverick. Barbie is my highly capable running mate. In addition to cheering me on to campaign victory, Barbie is a fine sharpshooter. She can aim a hunting rifle without putting down her pom poms. She can shoot a moose, wolf or monkey without batting one of her pretty eyelashes. When I kick the bucket (because I am a little long in the tooth... ha ha!), Barbie will be wearing the maverick hat. With her vast leadership experience, I have faith that she can guide Crystal Beach through the good times and the bad.

The fine walrus citizens of Crystal Beach are eager to hear what Cecil can do for them. Cecil promises to introduce the clam farming industry to Crystal Beach so that no walrus will go hungry. He will pay for this by increasing the tax on bananas. Cecil plans to cut down all the trees in Live Oak Park and build a giant ice rink. This will provide the walruses with a place to cool down and escape the hot, humid Florida weather. From what they have heard so far, Cecil is the walrus candidate for change.

Introducing the Sock Monkey Candidate for President... Basock!

Hi. My name is Basock, and I am running for President of Crystal Beach. I am originally from Minnesota where I have years of experience in local government. If I am selected as the next President, I can promise the citizens of Crystal Beach the brilliant future that they deserve.

The sock monkeys of Crystal Beach are not so sure about this foreigner from Minnesota. They are eagerly awaiting a speech from candidate Basock.

Basock has organized a town hall meeting to answer questions posed by the Crystal Beach residents. Before he can begin to speak, he hears some whispering in the crowd.

Monkey Kid: "Mom, he's blue! Have you ever seen such a thing? And he has a funny name too!"

Monkey Mom: "Shush! That's not polite!"

Basock: "Young man, did you want to ask me a question?"

Monkey Kid: "Well, yes. You're blue, and we're all brown. You look different from the rest of us. Your name sounds weird too."

Monkey Mom: "Sir, please excuse him. He doesn't know what he's saying."

Basock: "That's quite alright. Son, you have a point. Yes, I am blue, and most of you are brown. My name is kind of funny too. I'd really like it if you would just give me a chance to prove that I can represent all of you. I may be blue, but it's not the color of the sock that matters. It's the heart of the sock monkey that really counts."

Monkey Kid: "OK... Do you like bananas?"

Basock: "Of course I do, son."

Monkey Kid: "He's alright with me, Mom!"

Residents of Crystal Beach, if you elect me I can promise that I will do everything within my power to lower the taxes on bananas. I will plant more trees in the park for you to climb. My personal secret service agent from Minnesota, Sheriff Festus (pictured below) will work with Officer Po Po to protect Crystal Beach residents from crime. Most importantly, I have chosen Big Monkey to be my running mate!

Customer Service - Monkey Style

The humans that work at Laura's bank needed some professional training in the area of customer service. I was pleased to serve as a consultant for the meager fee of 100 B's (bananas) per hour. My assistant Oliver Green Bay Packer participated in the training exercise as well.

To make customers feel welcome, you need to create an inviting atmosphere. I have demonstrated this concept with the banana tree between Oliver and me. Humans can apply this concept by serving food (cookies, coffee, popcorn etc.) Here's an excerpt from our presentation:

BM: Hello Oliver. How are you doing today?
O: Great! I'd like to make this deposit.
BM: Sure, Oliver. I would be happy to help you with that. Say, the Packers are doing fantastic so far this season, aren't they?
O: Yes, it's been very exciting watching the games, but I do miss Brett.
BM: Oliver, I have something just for you! How about this wedge of cheese to complete your outfit?

O: Big Monkey, thank you so much! I really appreciate this cheese. It will look great atop my head! You're the best bank teller ever!

BM: It's my pleasure, Oliver. Anything to make you happy. I really appreciate your business!

O: Look how nice this wedge of cheese looks on my head! I won't take it off all season, and then the Packers will make it to the Super Bowl. Thanks again, Big Monkey! You're awesome!

When Oliver Green Bay Packer leaves the bank, he feels very special. Big Monkey the teller went out of his way to please his customer Oliver. This is just one specific example of great customer service. The humans can learn from this by listening to their customers, finding out what their interests are, and going above and beyond just the transaction itself in their own unique way.

Would have been nice to watch the Penn State game yesterday

The Penn State vs. Syracuse game was not broadcast in the dear old South (one of the pitfalls of moving from PA). It was supposed to be on ABC, but the local affiliate decided not to show it here. The decision was made last minute, and they should have moved it to ESPN game plan but they did not. When we tuned to the channel it was supposed to be on, it was black. We had 100 Penn State fans show up at the sports bar to watch a game that wasn't available. I'm back at home now on Sunday watching NFL pregame shows, but I'm still mad! Take that ABC!

My Pittsburgh friend Chipped Ham Sam

Chipped Ham Sam is the Pittsburgh Steelers # 1 fan. He was born on 10/12/75, exactly 9 months after the Lombardi trophy's first arrival in the "Burgh." Sam got his nickname from the massive quantities of chipped ham sammitches he can consume on any given Sunday during football season. He can often be found yelling at the television when he doesn't like a play "Come off it, for cryin' aht loud!" When Sam goes to a sports bar and they don't have the Steelers on, he'll say "How come yinz ain't watchin' the game, Picksburgh's on?" If someone makes fun of Sam's glorious mullet haircut, he'll scream "Quit jaggin' ahrand yinz jagoffs!" Sam is celebrating his team's first victory of the season against the Houston Texans today, 38-17. Go Steelers!

Congratulations to the Penn State Nittany Lions on their second victory of the season yesterday vs. the Oregon State Beavers. The Beavers came to Beaver Stadium in State College and got annihilated 45-14. Go State!

Introducing... Billy Ground Hog - former football player and present couch athlete

Since football season has arrived, I thought it would be appropriate for me to introduce you to my friend Billy Ground Hog. He's one of those farmstrong boys from Ohio. BGH played pro football for the Cleveland Red White and Browns. He led the team to their #1 position in the NSMFL (National Sock Monkey Football League). You can probably tell from his thick neck, long legs and muscular physique that Billy Ground Hog was quite the athlete in his day.

Here's one of the famous buttons depicting his team's motto "Get down with the Red, White and Brown!"
After a distinguished career in the NSMFL, Billy Ground Hog had to retire due to injury. He broke his neck, so it doesn't move too well these days. Now BGH prefers to watch his sport from the comfort of the couch, surrounded by his sock monkey fleece "blankie". If you're wondering why he's wearing a snowman sweater, he wears whatever he feels like... gosh!

Update to Tragedy in Crystal Beach

The following individual (see red arrow) is a monkey of interest in this crime. Any persons with information as to the whereabouts of this varmint are to contact Officer Po Po at the Crystal Beach Police Department or leave a comment on the blog.

Interspecies Domination

My post today will provide a history of Karl's relationship with the sock monkeys in the house. Karl was adopted in November 1998, shortly after I moved to Florida. When Karl arrived, I was the existing animal in the house and he was the newcomer. To establish my dominance, I rode on Karl's back. From this point forward Karl knew that he must never lay a sharp claw upon me. This early lesson was imbedded in his cat brain for life. Do not mess with Big Monkey!

The same did not apply for any newcomer sock monkeys. Karl was the existing animal, and therefore he would establish his dominance. The picture below captures this perfectly. Laura brought a new sock monkey into the home which was nicely attired in Penn State clothing and pom poms. After the newly admired monkey was left unattended, he soon faced the wrath of Karl. The damage was done, and the feline beast with the glowing eyes behind the chair was savoring his victory.
I'm pleased to report that Karl is now much more tolerant and somewhat fond of the sock monkey family which has greatly expanded since the time this picture was captured. Karl is severely outnumbered now, and he is a decade older and lazier. The sock monkeys are now safe from feline assault. They also make an effort to be friendly to Karl by petting him and saying "nice kitty, nice kitty".

Penn State Football Season Kicks Off

I live for football season, so this is my favorite time of year! Penn State is my team. I played for Joepa back in the day when both of us were young. He preferred to recruit farm strong Pennsylvania boys like myself (with big guns). I miss those days in the spotlight of Beaver Stadium. I still get that urge to run out on the field in the midst of thousands of fans screaming my name... BIG MONKEY, BIG MONKEY!

I have a pretty awesome Penn State jacket. It's got real leather sleeves. Everyone wants one just like it, but it was custom made for me.

Now that I live in Florida, I watch football games at the Varsity Club, a sports bar in Clearwater. There's a big crowd from the Penn State Alumni Association - Suncoast Chapter that gathers here every Saturday in the fall. They wanted me to be President of our chapter, but it's too much work for a retired monkey. I would rather sit back and enjoy a few brews with my friends and yell at the t.v. My Nittany Lion friends, Joepa and I are enjoying the spectacular performance by our team today.
Touchdown! We got plenty of those today. The final score of the game was Penn State 66, Coastal Carolina 10. Let's hope we can keep that momentum going next week for Oregon State. WE ARE... PENN STATE!

First shipment of bananas arrives... followed by some drama

The first installment of the lifetime supply of bananas that I won at the Olympics has finally arrived! Mr. Monkey (purple hat) is hovering over me as I carry a platter of bananas to share with my friends. Henly (dapper fellow with the bow tie) prepares to serve a small bunch as well. You may notice that I am wearing a new pair of red glasses... all the better to see my pretty bananas with. Laura gave me this cool pair of red "Ducs" shoes. I am stylin' now.

After a delicious feast, I am wiped out! Time for some sweet banana dreams.... zzzz.... Enter the scene - Ernie A. Twinklepig, local scavenger javelina. Hmm... looks as if Big Monkey is sleeping like a log. I think I can take these bananas without him waking up. I am soooo hungry!

Oh man, those were the best bananas I ever had. I am stuffed! I need a nap, but I better get out of here quickly before anyone sees me! Ernie A. Twinklepig escapes without disturbing the sleeping sock monkey community. He thinks he has gotten away with his crime. Little does he realize that he has left behind key evidence.

Big Monkey wakes up a few hours later and discovers his loss. He immediately reports the theft to CBPD, and Officer Po Po responds by arriving at the scene around 2:00 am. The criminal must not have been too smart, Po Po observes, because he/she left the telltale banana peels right on the kitchen counter! The next step is to perform a print analysis technique newly developed by Po Po's cutting edge forensics team. It's called Cinnamonalysis, which is the science of lifting prints by using the common household spice. Po Po is successful in discovering 4 prints which are identical to that of a javelina's hoofs. There is only one javelina in town... Ernie A. Twinklepig!

With the assistance of Karl, Ernie A. Twinklepig was arrested without incident. After being properly mirandized, Ernie was taken into custody and plead guilty to his crime. Since Ernie did not have any prior convictions, he was given probation for 2 years. During that time he must clean up the litter at Crystal Beach and volunteer for 500 hours at the local sock monkey adoption shelter. He sincerely regrets his offense and promises to make it up to the monkeys.