Sunday, August 31, 2008

Penn State Football Season Kicks Off

I live for football season, so this is my favorite time of year! Penn State is my team. I played for Joepa back in the day when both of us were young. He preferred to recruit farm strong Pennsylvania boys like myself (with big guns). I miss those days in the spotlight of Beaver Stadium. I still get that urge to run out on the field in the midst of thousands of fans screaming my name... BIG MONKEY, BIG MONKEY!

I have a pretty awesome Penn State jacket. It's got real leather sleeves. Everyone wants one just like it, but it was custom made for me.

Now that I live in Florida, I watch football games at the Varsity Club, a sports bar in Clearwater. There's a big crowd from the Penn State Alumni Association - Suncoast Chapter that gathers here every Saturday in the fall. They wanted me to be President of our chapter, but it's too much work for a retired monkey. I would rather sit back and enjoy a few brews with my friends and yell at the t.v. My Nittany Lion friends, Joepa and I are enjoying the spectacular performance by our team today.
Touchdown! We got plenty of those today. The final score of the game was Penn State 66, Coastal Carolina 10. Let's hope we can keep that momentum going next week for Oregon State. WE ARE... PENN STATE!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

First shipment of bananas arrives... followed by some drama

The first installment of the lifetime supply of bananas that I won at the Olympics has finally arrived! Mr. Monkey (purple hat) is hovering over me as I carry a platter of bananas to share with my friends. Henly (dapper fellow with the bow tie) prepares to serve a small bunch as well. You may notice that I am wearing a new pair of red glasses... all the better to see my pretty bananas with. Laura gave me this cool pair of red "Ducs" shoes. I am stylin' now.

After a delicious feast, I am wiped out! Time for some sweet banana dreams.... zzzz.... Enter the scene - Ernie A. Twinklepig, local scavenger javelina. Hmm... looks as if Big Monkey is sleeping like a log. I think I can take these bananas without him waking up. I am soooo hungry!

Oh man, those were the best bananas I ever had. I am stuffed! I need a nap, but I better get out of here quickly before anyone sees me! Ernie A. Twinklepig escapes without disturbing the sleeping sock monkey community. He thinks he has gotten away with his crime. Little does he realize that he has left behind key evidence.

Big Monkey wakes up a few hours later and discovers his loss. He immediately reports the theft to CBPD, and Officer Po Po responds by arriving at the scene around 2:00 am. The criminal must not have been too smart, Po Po observes, because he/she left the telltale banana peels right on the kitchen counter! The next step is to perform a print analysis technique newly developed by Po Po's cutting edge forensics team. It's called Cinnamonalysis, which is the science of lifting prints by using the common household spice. Po Po is successful in discovering 4 prints which are identical to that of a javelina's hoofs. There is only one javelina in town... Ernie A. Twinklepig!

With the assistance of Karl, Ernie A. Twinklepig was arrested without incident. After being properly mirandized, Ernie was taken into custody and plead guilty to his crime. Since Ernie did not have any prior convictions, he was given probation for 2 years. During that time he must clean up the litter at Crystal Beach and volunteer for 500 hours at the local sock monkey adoption shelter. He sincerely regrets his offense and promises to make it up to the monkeys.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tragedy in Crystal Beach

My homecoming after the Olympic victory tour was tragically interrupted by the aftermath of a hideous event. The lifeless body of a transient monkey was found with multiple stab wounds in my living room. The name of the victim is being withheld until family members can be located. Officer Po Po, my brother One Eyed Jack, Chipped Ham Sam, and Farcus were on scene after the discovery of the body.

One Eyed Jack (who is also deaf due to lack of ears) measures the taped outline of the body with assistance from Karl the cat. Meanwhile, Po Po is gathering forsenic evidence. His skills from the Houston PD are already being put to the test in Crystal Beach. If anyone has any information concerning this horrific crime, please comment on the blog.

Monday, August 25, 2008

BUDVILLE Part 3 - Playin'

This is my own personal pond which is stocked with tasty fish! Sometimes I just sit on the dock and relax or I can tool around in my pedal boat.

These beautiful lily pads with flowers are on the outskirts of my pond.

I handcrafted this chair myself back in the day. I call my style of furniture "country rustic." It fits in real well at Budville. This is where I take a load off after working hard all day.

Meet my buddy LT (that stands for Little Terror in case you were wondering). He is one of three resident varmints in Budville.

Sometimes you have to stop and smell the flowers in Budville... or eat them!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

BUDVILLE Part 2 - Eatin'

Budville is almost self-sufficient by providing several food groups to nourish its residents. Let's talk about the most important one first... MEAT! There's lots of deer to be found roaming innocently through the woods around Budville. I secretly watch them from high above the trees in the deer stand pictured below. Then, when they least expect it, my muzzleloader gets 'em! If I have offended any tree hugging granola crunchers, I do apologize, but a monkey's gotta eat!

Next to the deer stand is my favorite place to hang out while hunting, known as the Polish Winnebago (don't ask me about the name, I didn't choose it). It provides some relief from the cold during those early morning hunts. Since I moved to Florida, it's been abandoned except for any small wild animals that manage to get inside.

Let's move onto the next food group - fruits and vegetables. There are a wide variety of each that are currently being cultivated in my garden. Let me mention that we compost all unwanted portions of the fruits and vegetables that we do not consume, i.e., banana peels. This compost goes right back to the garden to help fertilize new plants. The tree huggers will love this... Budville has been recycling for years (long before it was popular), and could definitely be considered a "green" community. There's no such thing as waste in Budville.

It's tomato season folks, and here I am tending to my plants. Don't they look delicious?

Cantalopes are also thriving in my garden. I have about a dozen of them growing right now.

Mmm... there's nothing better than a Budville apple! Here I am just about to pick one off the tree for an afternoon snack.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

BUDVILLE Part 1 - Workin'

This is Budville - the place where I was born. It's on the outskirts of Pittsburgh, but I can't tell you the exact location because it's top secret! Let's just say that Budville is out of the area for pizza delivery, and if you call 911 you might be waiting about a half hour until help arrives. Budville is pretty big (about 12 acres) and boasts many amenities including a pond stocked with tasty fish, extra buildings for working on boats, cars, trailers, etc., and lots of heavy duty equipment such as this backhoe that I'm driving. The backhoe also comes in handy during deer season... I'll let you folks figure that out on your own!

With 12 acres of land there is plenty of grass to mow. That's why I have this driving lawn mower. A sock monkey's work is never done in Budville!

There are always multiple projects going on at once in Budville. Here I am attempting to repair this boat trailer by utilizing my welding skills. Welding goggles must be worn to protect my sensitive pink eyes. There's plenty more to see in Budville. Please stay tuned!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Let me introduce you to my hometown of PITTSBURGH!

My Olympic victory celebration included a feast at Aunt Mildred's house. She made these brownies just for me! She also gave me this really cool Pittsburghese t-shirt that has some examples of the local dialect in my town. For those of you that might need a translation, see below.

Aht = Out
Babushka = Head scarf
Chipped Ham = Thinly sliced ham (you'll meet my friend Chipped Ham Sam during football season)
Dahntahn = Downtown
Gumban = Rubber band
Jaggers = Thorns
Jumbo = Bologna (I grew up eating fried jumbo sammitches)
Nebby = Nosy (Mark says Laura is nebby... ha ha!)
Pop = Soda
Sammitch = Sandwich
Stillers = Steelers
Yins = You (plural)

Sample question: Yins going aht for some sammitches and pop dahntahn?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Big Monkey in the Big Apple

I traveled to NYC via train from Wilmington, DE. I let Mark do the walking, and I poked my head out of his backpack to see what's going on. Here we are waiting for the train to arrive. All Aboard... next stop the Big Apple!

Lots of Laura's family members were there to greet us in NYC. We went on a river boat cruise around the entire perimeter of Manhattan. It was a 3 hour tour, a 3 hour tour... However, the weather was GREAT! In the picture below you can see the Statue of Liberty in the background.

This is how I roll... You saw me in Mark's backpack. Well, I have my own backpack that I carry around with my little friends who poke their heads out. Socks (front) and Little Big Monkey (back) accompany me on all of my travels. Little Big Monkey, as the name implies, is my "mini me." He was made to look just like me, right down to the pink eyes. The side pockets of my backpack contain my travel essentials - tabasco sauce and tooth paste. Tabasco sauce seasons my food, and the tooth paste keeps my breath fresh and clean.

The boat captain was kind enough to let me into his control room. I took over the throttle when we came back to the dock.

After our cruise, we ate dinner and walked around the city for a while. Below I am doing my impression of King Kong attacking the Empire State Building. We had a fantastic day, and it was hard to leave so soon. However, my victory tour had to continue. There were lots more adventures to experience in my hometown of Pittsburgh! More to come soon... stay posted.

Monday, August 18, 2008

First Stop on my Victory Tour - Delaware

My victory tour began in Delaware to visit Laura's folks. For those of you who are wondering DelaWHERE?... It is nestled on the east coast with neighboring states of Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland. It was the first state to ratify the Constitution in 1787. Delaware is just under 2,000 square miles in size which makes it the second smallest state in the U.S. (Rhode Island is the smallest). There are only three counties and one phone area code in Delaware. The state bird is the Blue Hen Chicken. I ate a few of them during my visit. Boy, are they TASTY! Delaware is regularly invaded by nearby out of staters because it is the home of tax free shopping.

We went on a sight seeing trip to Old New Castle (sounds funny, doesn't it?) This colonial town was founded in 1651 by the Dutch. It is located on the Delaware River where William Penn came ashore in 1682 and claimed it. The cobblestone streets and historic homes and buildings make this town a nice place to visit. In the picture below I am posing by the old Frenchtown Railroad Ticket Office. It's a fenced in landmark, but the gate was open so Laura decided that I should get my picture taken here. She did not get arrested, in case you were wondering.

I stopped to pose by these pretty sunflowers that were planted in someone's backyard.

The next stop on my victory tour was the Big Apple, a two hour train ride from Wilmington, Delaware. Stay posted tomorrow for my adventures in NYC.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hurray! Big Monkey Wins the Gold!

My journey to Beijing was going to be a long one, so I just strapped on my safety belt, settled into my airplane seat, and mentally prepared myself for the race of a lifetime!

My hard work paid off, and I won gold in the Monkathon! It was the greatest moment in my life. All I could think about was the lifetime supply of bananas that would be coming my way soon. Of course I will share them with my friends because that's only fair. They have supported and cheered me on for many years. You might have heard the Olympic sportscasters on NPC (National Primate Channel) analyze my physique on their broadcast. They said my unique pantyhose filling allows for optimal, lightning fast leg movement. Most sock monkeys are stuffed with polyester fiberfill which slows them down when they try to run. They also said my compact, streamlined ears create less wind resistance than some of the other sock monkeys with big, flapping ears (kind of like my friend Farcus). I don't think that Grandma had this in mind when she made me years ago... ha ha!

The picture below is from the actual medal ceremony in Beijing. Don't you love the rose bouquet? When I brought it home, Farcus tried to eat it. Ha ha! He loves the taste of flowers for some reason. My lifetime supply of bananas should be on it's way to Crystal Beach shortly! I can't wait!
After Beijing, I returned to the United States and went on a whirlwind tour. It was lots of fun! I'll be posting some pictures from my travels real soon.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


The final countdown to Beijing has begun, and I am preparing for the Monkathon (that's the sock monkey marathon for those of you who don't know). I have trained intensively to prepare myself for this 26.2 mile grueling test of endurance. The winner not only receives a gold medal, but also a lifetime supply of bananas! The stakes couldn't be higher, but I am ready to face this challenge. The key to a world class athlete's training is proper stretching. See my demonstration below.

Strength training is also a must. Push ups and chin ups make my guns big and strong.

Most important of all is my endurance training. How do you think I became known as the fastest pantyhose filled legs on the planet? Here I am running on the treadmill. Holding the American flag makes me even more hungry for that gold medal... or at least a lifetime supply of bananas. I won't be posting any updates for about a week since I will be journeying to China to win some bling for America, but check back soon. Go team U.S.A.!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


This is my new shed, otherwise known as the man cave. Isn't it awesome?

I got this American Chopper toolbox for my birthday. It's pretty sweet! I'd like to have a real motorcycle one day.

My new friend Farcus and I are building some shelves in the man cave. Farcus just moved here from Minnesota. Rumor has it he got in trouble for bullying the other sock monkeys in the neighborhood. Farcus has been a good boy since he arrived in Crystal Beach (so far). He sure is handy with power tools.

I think the reason that Farcus was mean back in Minnesota was because the neighborhood boys made fun of his glasses. Even though he looks real tough, Farcus is sensitive and he got his feelings hurt when the other monkeys laughed at him. I told my friends to only say nice things to Farcus and he won't hurt a fly.

Sunday, August 3, 2008


I had a GREAT birthday! It so happens that Mark has the same birthday as I do. He is always trying to steal the spotlight from me. I decided to be nice and share my cake with him. Laura got me a banana ice cream and chocolate cake. Boy, was it good! She made us wear these silly cone shaped birthday hats for her own amusement. Whatever... Mark and I got our cake on this weekend!

Yeah, don't you wish you could have a piece of this!

Karl was pretty thrilled about attending my birthday party.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

ATTENTION BAD BOYS OF CRYSTAL BEACH - What you gonna do? What you gonna do when Po Po comes for you?

This is Officer Po Po. He founded the newly formed CBPD (Crystal Beach Police Department). He is originally from Houston, Texas, where he apprehended lots of big city criminals. Compared to Houston, Crystal Beach is small potatoes, but there's still plenty of monkey mischief going on. You'll see much more of Po Po in the future as he keeps the streets of Crystal Beach safe for monkeys, humans, and all other creatures. Even though he appears to be relaxing in this photo, don't let that fool you! Behind those classic cop shades he is always on the look out for bad behavior.

Chillin' Out at the Beach

Some of my friends and I went down to the waterfront at Crystal Beach last weekend. It's about a 5 minute walk from our house. The pier in the background is a great place to watch the sunset in the evenings.

Some of my little buddies got close to the water, but they were afraid to get their feet wet!

Here we are doing what monkeys do best... hanging out in a tree.

I love to chill out in the live oak trees, which are plentiful in Crystal Beach.

My friend Henly (who always looks dapper in his banana bow tie) is posing for his glamour shot below.