Sunday, September 28, 2008

Introducing the Walrus Candidate for President... Cecil and his running mate Barbie!

Hi, my name is Cecil and I am running for President of Crystal Beach. As you can tell from my hat, I am a maverick. Barbie is my highly capable running mate. In addition to cheering me on to campaign victory, Barbie is a fine sharpshooter. She can aim a hunting rifle without putting down her pom poms. She can shoot a moose, wolf or monkey without batting one of her pretty eyelashes. When I kick the bucket (because I am a little long in the tooth... ha ha!), Barbie will be wearing the maverick hat. With her vast leadership experience, I have faith that she can guide Crystal Beach through the good times and the bad.

The fine walrus citizens of Crystal Beach are eager to hear what Cecil can do for them. Cecil promises to introduce the clam farming industry to Crystal Beach so that no walrus will go hungry. He will pay for this by increasing the tax on bananas. Cecil plans to cut down all the trees in Live Oak Park and build a giant ice rink. This will provide the walruses with a place to cool down and escape the hot, humid Florida weather. From what they have heard so far, Cecil is the walrus candidate for change.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Introducing the Sock Monkey Candidate for President... Basock!

Hi. My name is Basock, and I am running for President of Crystal Beach. I am originally from Minnesota where I have years of experience in local government. If I am selected as the next President, I can promise the citizens of Crystal Beach the brilliant future that they deserve.

The sock monkeys of Crystal Beach are not so sure about this foreigner from Minnesota. They are eagerly awaiting a speech from candidate Basock.

Basock has organized a town hall meeting to answer questions posed by the Crystal Beach residents. Before he can begin to speak, he hears some whispering in the crowd.

Monkey Kid: "Mom, he's blue! Have you ever seen such a thing? And he has a funny name too!"

Monkey Mom: "Shush! That's not polite!"

Basock: "Young man, did you want to ask me a question?"

Monkey Kid: "Well, yes. You're blue, and we're all brown. You look different from the rest of us. Your name sounds weird too."

Monkey Mom: "Sir, please excuse him. He doesn't know what he's saying."

Basock: "That's quite alright. Son, you have a point. Yes, I am blue, and most of you are brown. My name is kind of funny too. I'd really like it if you would just give me a chance to prove that I can represent all of you. I may be blue, but it's not the color of the sock that matters. It's the heart of the sock monkey that really counts."

Monkey Kid: "OK... Do you like bananas?"

Basock: "Of course I do, son."

Monkey Kid: "He's alright with me, Mom!"

Residents of Crystal Beach, if you elect me I can promise that I will do everything within my power to lower the taxes on bananas. I will plant more trees in the park for you to climb. My personal secret service agent from Minnesota, Sheriff Festus (pictured below) will work with Officer Po Po to protect Crystal Beach residents from crime. Most importantly, I have chosen Big Monkey to be my running mate!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Customer Service - Monkey Style

The humans that work at Laura's bank needed some professional training in the area of customer service. I was pleased to serve as a consultant for the meager fee of 100 B's (bananas) per hour. My assistant Oliver Green Bay Packer participated in the training exercise as well.

To make customers feel welcome, you need to create an inviting atmosphere. I have demonstrated this concept with the banana tree between Oliver and me. Humans can apply this concept by serving food (cookies, coffee, popcorn etc.) Here's an excerpt from our presentation:

BM: Hello Oliver. How are you doing today?
O: Great! I'd like to make this deposit.
BM: Sure, Oliver. I would be happy to help you with that. Say, the Packers are doing fantastic so far this season, aren't they?
O: Yes, it's been very exciting watching the games, but I do miss Brett.
BM: Oliver, I have something just for you! How about this wedge of cheese to complete your outfit?

O: Big Monkey, thank you so much! I really appreciate this cheese. It will look great atop my head! You're the best bank teller ever!

BM: It's my pleasure, Oliver. Anything to make you happy. I really appreciate your business!

O: Look how nice this wedge of cheese looks on my head! I won't take it off all season, and then the Packers will make it to the Super Bowl. Thanks again, Big Monkey! You're awesome!

When Oliver Green Bay Packer leaves the bank, he feels very special. Big Monkey the teller went out of his way to please his customer Oliver. This is just one specific example of great customer service. The humans can learn from this by listening to their customers, finding out what their interests are, and going above and beyond just the transaction itself in their own unique way.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Would have been nice to watch the Penn State game yesterday

The Penn State vs. Syracuse game was not broadcast in the dear old South (one of the pitfalls of moving from PA). It was supposed to be on ABC, but the local affiliate decided not to show it here. The decision was made last minute, and they should have moved it to ESPN game plan but they did not. When we tuned to the channel it was supposed to be on, it was black. We had 100 Penn State fans show up at the sports bar to watch a game that wasn't available. I'm back at home now on Sunday watching NFL pregame shows, but I'm still mad! Take that ABC!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

My Pittsburgh friend Chipped Ham Sam

Chipped Ham Sam is the Pittsburgh Steelers # 1 fan. He was born on 10/12/75, exactly 9 months after the Lombardi trophy's first arrival in the "Burgh." Sam got his nickname from the massive quantities of chipped ham sammitches he can consume on any given Sunday during football season. He can often be found yelling at the television when he doesn't like a play "Come off it, for cryin' aht loud!" When Sam goes to a sports bar and they don't have the Steelers on, he'll say "How come yinz ain't watchin' the game, Picksburgh's on?" If someone makes fun of Sam's glorious mullet haircut, he'll scream "Quit jaggin' ahrand yinz jagoffs!" Sam is celebrating his team's first victory of the season against the Houston Texans today, 38-17. Go Steelers!

Congratulations to the Penn State Nittany Lions on their second victory of the season yesterday vs. the Oregon State Beavers. The Beavers came to Beaver Stadium in State College and got annihilated 45-14. Go State!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Introducing... Billy Ground Hog - former football player and present couch athlete

Since football season has arrived, I thought it would be appropriate for me to introduce you to my friend Billy Ground Hog. He's one of those farmstrong boys from Ohio. BGH played pro football for the Cleveland Red White and Browns. He led the team to their #1 position in the NSMFL (National Sock Monkey Football League). You can probably tell from his thick neck, long legs and muscular physique that Billy Ground Hog was quite the athlete in his day.

Here's one of the famous buttons depicting his team's motto "Get down with the Red, White and Brown!"
After a distinguished career in the NSMFL, Billy Ground Hog had to retire due to injury. He broke his neck, so it doesn't move too well these days. Now BGH prefers to watch his sport from the comfort of the couch, surrounded by his sock monkey fleece "blankie". If you're wondering why he's wearing a snowman sweater, he wears whatever he feels like... gosh!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Update to Tragedy in Crystal Beach

The following individual (see red arrow) is a monkey of interest in this crime. Any persons with information as to the whereabouts of this varmint are to contact Officer Po Po at the Crystal Beach Police Department or leave a comment on the blog.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Interspecies Domination

My post today will provide a history of Karl's relationship with the sock monkeys in the house. Karl was adopted in November 1998, shortly after I moved to Florida. When Karl arrived, I was the existing animal in the house and he was the newcomer. To establish my dominance, I rode on Karl's back. From this point forward Karl knew that he must never lay a sharp claw upon me. This early lesson was imbedded in his cat brain for life. Do not mess with Big Monkey!

The same did not apply for any newcomer sock monkeys. Karl was the existing animal, and therefore he would establish his dominance. The picture below captures this perfectly. Laura brought a new sock monkey into the home which was nicely attired in Penn State clothing and pom poms. After the newly admired monkey was left unattended, he soon faced the wrath of Karl. The damage was done, and the feline beast with the glowing eyes behind the chair was savoring his victory.
I'm pleased to report that Karl is now much more tolerant and somewhat fond of the sock monkey family which has greatly expanded since the time this picture was captured. Karl is severely outnumbered now, and he is a decade older and lazier. The sock monkeys are now safe from feline assault. They also make an effort to be friendly to Karl by petting him and saying "nice kitty, nice kitty".